How did I get herpes?

The simple answer to this question is I do not know. I am not a particularly promiscuous person - in fact I have slept with just two people in the last 3 years. The first was a relationship that lasted for 2 years whilst the most recent was a one night stand. It was after the one night stand that my symptoms started so it is no suprise that I thought that was the source - BUT I did of course use a condom so I assumed that I caught it from unprotected oral sex. I was wrong - I emailed this girl after being diagnosed and she got tested and yes she is negative for HSV2.

I did however learn recently that it is possible for HSV2 to lay dormant for many years and be triggered by some 'penile trauma' (see last blog entry) - which may explain the appearance of symptoms after the one night stand (I am not insinuating that it was traumatic). This however leaves me none the wiser - I could have caught this at any time in my sexual history and since I have not been symptomatic until recently then it is incredibly unlikely that I would have passed it to someone else.

The other possibility is my exgirlfriend - but this leaves me with a dilemma. If I tell her she might have a test and the outcome of the test will be one of two things:

• positive - I am still none the wiser since she may also be a carrier and just have the antibodies with no symptoms. I might have given it to her OR she to me and there is no way to know.
  

• negative - I at least know it was from someone before her but am left back where I started with the same unanswered question.

I therefore do not know what to do. I do not think there is any value in trying to find someone to hold accountable - we already know this is a common and contagious virus which many people have without ever knowing about it. It is possble that I caught it off my exgirlfriend just before we split so perhaps it is worth her getting tested to be on the safe side.

I have resolved to talk to her about it (at least by email) so that she can at least hold all the facts. I do not however plan to work my way backwards though my exgirlfriends and sexual partners because as discussed that does not benefit them or me.

On a much lighter note - the date today went very well. It is early days so I am not considering the herpes issue quite yet. I will cross that bridge when I need to. One day at a time!

Genital herpes - some facts

The appointment
This morning I was 5 minutes late for the appointment at the SHAC. Fortunately there was still some time to wait and compose my thoughts and of course to sneak a mandatory peak at that copy of Heat (ashamed but unrepentant). There was a pretty girl sitting next to me and while it briefly crossed my mind I decided that the waiting room of the GUM clinic is probably not the best place to start chatting someone up - 'Say, what venereal disease have you got? Fancy a drink sometime?'

The advisor I met was very personable and we talked a little about the way people deal with the news that they have herpes (I fall into the pragmatic category - I am sure you have noticed that by now). Then in a business-like way I asked him how long we had (I wanted to make sure I got all my important questions in) and he professionally answered 'As long as you need'. I assumed this meant no more than half an hour so I launched into the questions that have been spinning around in my head for the last 3 months.

What I learnt
I would like to publish here a summarised version of what I learnt. I hope I do not need to remind anyone that I am not a health professional and that this does not constitute professional advice - merely my recollection and interpretation of what he told me (and he was professionally non-committal).

• I have HSV2
• HSV2 can be dormant for a long period of time and activated by penile trauma (his words) and a low immune system
• Outbreaks tend to reduce in seriousness as your immune system gets used to them and may disappear completely
  
• The virus does not typically shed and become contagious unless there are symptoms present
  
• Asymptomatic shedding (i.e. you are contagious without showing symptoms) is possible but most likely the week before and for two weeks after an outbreak
• Penetrative sex with a condom is 'safe' even during viral shedding (clearly it might be more problematic if the area cannot be covered with a condom)
  
• Oral sex without a condom is also 'safe' since it is very difficult to get HSV2 orally (probably unpleasant if you have symptoms though!)
  
• HSV1 on the other hand accounts for about 1/2 of the genital cases but is typically found orally
  
• Many people have HSV2 and never show symptoms or only ever have one outbreak
• 80% of the population have one type of the virus, either orally or genitally
• Antiviral treatment is an option to help suppress the virus (not cure it!) and can be considered if outbreaks are regular and/or severe
  

Note - I have used the word 'safe' to represent an improbably low risk. I do realise that there are always exceptions and improbably low does not mean impossible.

Herpes is not screened as standard when STI tests are taken in the UK because of the number of people who would show a positive result. These people do not represent a risk because they have never been symptomatic and so the screening is deemed unnecessary.

The message
The general message was a positive one. His advice was that I do not need to tell everyone I sleep with right away as long as I always practice safe sex and use a condom. It is also clear that this virus is relatively common and often more of an inconvenience that a serious problem.

Final thoughts
I think it complicated and that not telling someone at the right away might jeopardise things later as I suddenly announce that I have known all along that I have herpes. I recognise that the risk of transmission is tiny while using a condom but other people can have a very different perception of risk when it comes to things like this; especially when they do not know all the facts. I remain undecided about how I will deal with this when I next find myself becoming sexually involved with someone.

During the appointment I also received a very nice leaflet titled 'Genital Herpes . A self-help guide'. Needless to say I walked out of the clinic brandishing this leaflet in my hand unintentionally broadcasting to all who cared to look exactly why I was there. I am happy to say this amused me much more than it made me embarrassed.

SHAC tomorrow

I am currently feeling slightly itchy although this might be psycosomatic. I have been feeling paranoid about getting symptoms in places not easily covered up with a condom. I have my SHAC (Sexual Health Advisory Clinic) appointment tomorrow where hopefully I will find out a bit more about all of this and how it is going to affect my chances of ever having sex again (okay I am being a little overly dramatic but of course this is a serious concern).

I am feeling nervous about the appointment but it will be my third visit to the place. In the past I have found comfort in the broad mix of people who sit nervously awaiting possibly life changing information while catching up on a two year old copy of Heat magazine. I think it is important to remember that difficult things can happen to anyone and I am sure that many of the people I will see there have much more serious problems than herpes.

That is enough for now - I am sure there will be plenty more to say tomorrow.

Today I found out I have herpes!

It was the call I had been expecting. Until that point there was still a chance it was all a big mix up and this was actually happening to someone else. Then as the cheerful sounding lady on the phone declared 'You have type 2 Herpes' I saw all hope of delusion fall to pieces. I reeled as I hung up the phone but there was nothing I could do but keep smiling - I was half way through a conversation with my colleague on the train home from a meeting in Basingstoke.

That was earlier today. Having spent the last few months anticipating that moment I have decided that I would like to share my experiences. I know from research in the last few months that this is a common virus and I also know I have found it hard to find real life information from people who deal with this everyday. I would like to share the story of a 'normal' guy who enjoys his life most of the time and who also happens to have herpes.

I am 26, I am single, I have a degree and a good job. I like salsa dancing, cycling, drinking too much with my friends on the weekend, long holidays to weird places with a small backpacks, eating and cooking good food. I have had sex with 7 people and until recently I didn't think I counted as a sexually 'risky' person. Generally I prefer lasting relationships to one night stands although I have had a mix of both.

I was diagnosed symptomatically with herpes by my GP late last October. I had been showing symptoms since May. I went to the GUM clinic for a test in December but it was a swab from symptoms a couple of weeks ago that today confirmed the inevitable. There are a few other twists to this tale (which will be revealed in due course) and I still have many unanswered questions. I do however have an appointment with the SHAC (sexual health advisory clinic) on Wednesday and more importantly a date with a girl on Sunday. Both of these things raise interesting and slightly scary questions about how this diagnosis will change my life.

More soon.