Long time no post (not no herpes)

Mood: contemplative, happy, occasionally frustrated

Well herpes fans - it has been a while since I posted and I am resolving to start saying a little more. I would like to say thanks to everyone who has commented on the blog or emailed me and I am sorry I have been so slow at responding.

It has been almost 8 months since I posted last (where did that time go?) and a lot has happened. I will not bore you with information about monotomous days spent moving house or working and I will cut right to the chase. The (very, very, very) good news is that I am still with the great girl who on March 6th was still a new girl. More importantly I am thoroughly head over heels in love.

The not so good news is that despite taking acyclovir twice a day since March I have not become symptom free. In fact my episodes seem to be stimulated by the mere act of having sex (penile trauma?). It is not a simple formula (I am about to get very blunt - I think you should be used to that by now but do not say I did not warn you). Basically symptoms typically follow a few days after I have continued sexual intercourse. At this point I usually stop all sex until the symptoms disappear, wait another week and then start having sex again. YES - you are right - this is a pain in the backside (and frontside :-)). The symptoms only seem to be caused during intercourse and are not caused by masturbation.

The symptoms are usually very mild and usually consist of a small red spot or two. I have been in and out of the hallowed 'Clinic 1a' (GUM clinic) and they and I are still none the wiser. Fortunately my girlfriend is very supportive and relaxed about it. We are of course incredibly careful and we always use a condom. We also usually stop when my symptoms appear - however this is very disruptive and annoying. However I consider myself lucky because I have an amazing relationship with a wonderful, beautiful girl. Her view on this is that the worst thing that can happen is that she catches it from me and that is nowhere near as bad as the idea of not being with me :-)!

Okay - there is much more to this story because this lovely girl is currently half way around the world. More on that next time - and if you are lucky some more gorey symptom details to boot.

Now where did I put my acyclovir.

Truth and drugs (and snow)

I woke up this morning to find a blanket of white covering my world. I live in the east of England and snow happens here about 2 days of the year so this is a very cool (excuse the pun) event. Having had a few too many drinks last night I have so far not ventured out into the wintery wonderland that is outside. In fact given the heating in my house is not working particularly well so I think that I might just stay in bed.

I have started on a course of supressive therapy. My last outbreak was one of the worst I have had - not very painful or itchy but it took a while to clear up. It has for now retreated and I have been prescribed acyclovir twice a day for the forseeable future. I think that having an outbreak is one of the hardest things about herpes - it is a constant reminder . I hope the supressive drugs stop me from having such regular outbreaks and that I might be able to reclaim a normal sex life (actually I want a fun sex life - I am not sure this means a 'normal' one but I think you know what I mean).

Talking about sex life I am sure you are itching (oh dear, another pun!) to know what happened with the 'new girl' that I was spoke about in my last post. Well, I told her! This was about 2 weeks ago - I found myself walking to her house and I had already decided that I had to do it. I was nervous but not as nervous as I had expected to be. I walked into her room and sat down and we spoke first about everyday things. I realised that the time had come and I just had to be a man and so I spoke.

I told her that I had something to tell her and she sat down and looked at me with her beautiful green eyes. I looked staight back at her and for a minute I couldn't speak. I took a deep breath and then the words came. I started by asking her if she knew what cold sores are and then I explained that I get cold sores, just somewhere else. I talked about what a common sti herpes is and I explained that with supressive medication, condoms and abstinence during and immediately after an outbreak the chance of transmission is incredibly small (this is difficult to quantify and I will talk about it another time). After about 10 minutes I realised that I probably should have prepared slides (joking!) and so I stopped.

She looked at me and then she kissed me.

A great new girl and a not so great new outbreak

Mood: very happy, slightly scared, a bit itchy (okay itchy is not really a mood but you get the idea)

I went for a date with a girl last tuesday and so it turns out she is fantastic. Barely more than a day has passed since then without seeing her. Just her presence seems to twist time around so that it always seems to suddenly be very late and I never achieve much more than to get lost staring into her beautiful green eyes. What is even better is that she seems to feel the same way about me. It all sounds great no? The hard bit is that I know that I have to tell her about my itchy friend and frankly, as you might expect, I am just a little bit scared. I know all the 'if she is the right one then she will accept it' stuff but I guess I may be about to find out just what it means to be a man with herpes.

I have had a lot I wanted to say in the last couple of weeks but I have not known how to say it - and so I have not posted. I am having another outbreak at the moment - I was feeling it a bit at the start of the weekend but it has developed in the last day. I am feeling a bit down about this because I seem to have had outbreaks at least every 2 or 3 months in the last year. I am going to see the doctor tomorrow to see if it might be worth trying some supressive therapy. Fortunately my symptoms have never been really bad but I find it hard to deal with on such a regular basis. This seems even harder now that I would just like to relax and spend more time with this amazing girl.

Why haven't I told her?

I am sure that I mentioned it before but I when I found out about my new pal herpes I decided I should probably do the right thing and talk to my ex-girlfriend. As mentioned in the post I never showed symptoms when I was with her so most likely I didn't give it to her. It is also likely that he didn't give it to me given her apparent lack of symptoms during our relationship. Nonetheless I had planned to talk to her about it just in case. The problem I that I haven't. Perhaps I am being weak or perhaps I do not see the point in putting her through the grief.

This remains unresolved.

Online herpes dating

One of the first thoughts that went through my mind when I found out about the herpes was 'Will I ever have a relationship again?'. Substitute the word 'relationship' with the word 'sex' and you will have another of my thoughts at that time. However being the proactive kind of guy that I am I immediately had a look around for dating sites for people with herpes - I was suprised to find quite a few.

I have considered the concept of online dating in the past and I am always interested in new ways to meet people. 'Herpes dating' seems like a slightly different beast but I figure that going on a date with someone where you know nothing about each other except that you both have genital herpes could be if little else an interesting and bizarre experience. I am a man who loves new and bizarre experiences so I recently joined a two of these sites.

I want to be quite clear at this point that I 100% do not intend to only date people with herpes. I would absolutely encourage everyone with herpes to not limit themselves in this way. I have in fact recently been on dates with a couple of girls who I as far as I know are not members of 'community herpes' (although I guess that there is a 1 in 5 chance that anyone I date has it). Herpes dating for me is just another way to meet and if I meet someone I like on one then who am I to argue.

I am sure there will be more to say about this topic in the future!

'Crazy horrible things' - don't listen to them!

I am feeling incensed with the volume of bad advice abundantly available and given to people with herpes by people with herpes. In many cases the advice lacks any coherence and serves to scare all readers who may have herpes and may be planning to carry on with their lives without the constant fear of it spreading to their brain or the thought of not having sex for the next decade.

I quote from a message board that I was recently reading:
'today I took care of a patient that had encephalo hsv meaning herpes inside his body spread up to his brain... you mentioned herpes in the lungs.. yes, there are all these crazy horrible things that can happen with HSV.'

Okay yes it is possible for herpes to spread around the body but I think we may be missing a few key facts here. For example did this person actually had some immunodeficincy such as AIDs or recent chemotherapy. Perhaps some real statistics about the likelyhood of this happening would also be of use with reference to a scientific paper. Also do I need to remind everyone that 80% of the population have one or the other form of herpes - should we spread the word and make sure that people start living in constant fear of the 'crazy horrible things that can happen with HSV'.

Better still is my favourite advice about how diet can help control herpes outbreaks;
'Get your Ph level up and get alot of oxygen to your cells then you should be good.'

I mean what does this even mean. 'Get alot of oxygen to my cells' - so I should breathe then (because I hadn't planned on stopping that anytime soon) and cut back on the vinegar to help solve my Ph problems. Are you really serious?

Please I implore you all - Seek the advice of a medical professional and learn the facts!!!!

Friends and herpes

I have been very busy this week and have not found any time to write. Right now my brain is tired out and I should probably be asleep. I am not sure I have anything to say about herpes today and I hope that by writing this blog I don't start defining my persona as a man with herpes. I will try to make some of the posts just about my life without just talking about herpes - if anything I hope they will continue to remind myself (and anyone who choses to read) that people with herpes are no different to people without herpes.

I have so far told 5 of my close friends about the herpes. I did in fact tell them soon after the symptomatic diagnosis last year. Since these 5 people are very close friends they have all been very supportive and I often find myself joking about it with them. It has been great to talk to people about this and it has really helped me put things into perspective.

It turns out I am also a complete wimp since I have not spoken to my exgirlfiend about my diagnosis. I am still not convinced that it will do anything but cause her unecessary grief. I do however feel more strongly that I should tell people about H before I start having sex with them. It will be interesting to see if this plays out in practice.

How did I get herpes?

The simple answer to this question is I do not know. I am not a particularly promiscuous person - in fact I have slept with just two people in the last 3 years. The first was a relationship that lasted for 2 years whilst the most recent was a one night stand. It was after the one night stand that my symptoms started so it is no suprise that I thought that was the source - BUT I did of course use a condom so I assumed that I caught it from unprotected oral sex. I was wrong - I emailed this girl after being diagnosed and she got tested and yes she is negative for HSV2.

I did however learn recently that it is possible for HSV2 to lay dormant for many years and be triggered by some 'penile trauma' (see last blog entry) - which may explain the appearance of symptoms after the one night stand (I am not insinuating that it was traumatic). This however leaves me none the wiser - I could have caught this at any time in my sexual history and since I have not been symptomatic until recently then it is incredibly unlikely that I would have passed it to someone else.

The other possibility is my exgirlfriend - but this leaves me with a dilemma. If I tell her she might have a test and the outcome of the test will be one of two things:

• positive - I am still none the wiser since she may also be a carrier and just have the antibodies with no symptoms. I might have given it to her OR she to me and there is no way to know.
  

• negative - I at least know it was from someone before her but am left back where I started with the same unanswered question.

I therefore do not know what to do. I do not think there is any value in trying to find someone to hold accountable - we already know this is a common and contagious virus which many people have without ever knowing about it. It is possble that I caught it off my exgirlfriend just before we split so perhaps it is worth her getting tested to be on the safe side.

I have resolved to talk to her about it (at least by email) so that she can at least hold all the facts. I do not however plan to work my way backwards though my exgirlfriends and sexual partners because as discussed that does not benefit them or me.

On a much lighter note - the date today went very well. It is early days so I am not considering the herpes issue quite yet. I will cross that bridge when I need to. One day at a time!

Genital herpes - some facts

The appointment
This morning I was 5 minutes late for the appointment at the SHAC. Fortunately there was still some time to wait and compose my thoughts and of course to sneak a mandatory peak at that copy of Heat (ashamed but unrepentant). There was a pretty girl sitting next to me and while it briefly crossed my mind I decided that the waiting room of the GUM clinic is probably not the best place to start chatting someone up - 'Say, what venereal disease have you got? Fancy a drink sometime?'

The advisor I met was very personable and we talked a little about the way people deal with the news that they have herpes (I fall into the pragmatic category - I am sure you have noticed that by now). Then in a business-like way I asked him how long we had (I wanted to make sure I got all my important questions in) and he professionally answered 'As long as you need'. I assumed this meant no more than half an hour so I launched into the questions that have been spinning around in my head for the last 3 months.

What I learnt
I would like to publish here a summarised version of what I learnt. I hope I do not need to remind anyone that I am not a health professional and that this does not constitute professional advice - merely my recollection and interpretation of what he told me (and he was professionally non-committal).

• I have HSV2
• HSV2 can be dormant for a long period of time and activated by penile trauma (his words) and a low immune system
• Outbreaks tend to reduce in seriousness as your immune system gets used to them and may disappear completely
  
• The virus does not typically shed and become contagious unless there are symptoms present
  
• Asymptomatic shedding (i.e. you are contagious without showing symptoms) is possible but most likely the week before and for two weeks after an outbreak
• Penetrative sex with a condom is 'safe' even during viral shedding (clearly it might be more problematic if the area cannot be covered with a condom)
  
• Oral sex without a condom is also 'safe' since it is very difficult to get HSV2 orally (probably unpleasant if you have symptoms though!)
  
• HSV1 on the other hand accounts for about 1/2 of the genital cases but is typically found orally
  
• Many people have HSV2 and never show symptoms or only ever have one outbreak
• 80% of the population have one type of the virus, either orally or genitally
• Antiviral treatment is an option to help suppress the virus (not cure it!) and can be considered if outbreaks are regular and/or severe
  

Note - I have used the word 'safe' to represent an improbably low risk. I do realise that there are always exceptions and improbably low does not mean impossible.

Herpes is not screened as standard when STI tests are taken in the UK because of the number of people who would show a positive result. These people do not represent a risk because they have never been symptomatic and so the screening is deemed unnecessary.

The message
The general message was a positive one. His advice was that I do not need to tell everyone I sleep with right away as long as I always practice safe sex and use a condom. It is also clear that this virus is relatively common and often more of an inconvenience that a serious problem.

Final thoughts
I think it complicated and that not telling someone at the right away might jeopardise things later as I suddenly announce that I have known all along that I have herpes. I recognise that the risk of transmission is tiny while using a condom but other people can have a very different perception of risk when it comes to things like this; especially when they do not know all the facts. I remain undecided about how I will deal with this when I next find myself becoming sexually involved with someone.

During the appointment I also received a very nice leaflet titled 'Genital Herpes . A self-help guide'. Needless to say I walked out of the clinic brandishing this leaflet in my hand unintentionally broadcasting to all who cared to look exactly why I was there. I am happy to say this amused me much more than it made me embarrassed.

SHAC tomorrow

I am currently feeling slightly itchy although this might be psycosomatic. I have been feeling paranoid about getting symptoms in places not easily covered up with a condom. I have my SHAC (Sexual Health Advisory Clinic) appointment tomorrow where hopefully I will find out a bit more about all of this and how it is going to affect my chances of ever having sex again (okay I am being a little overly dramatic but of course this is a serious concern).

I am feeling nervous about the appointment but it will be my third visit to the place. In the past I have found comfort in the broad mix of people who sit nervously awaiting possibly life changing information while catching up on a two year old copy of Heat magazine. I think it is important to remember that difficult things can happen to anyone and I am sure that many of the people I will see there have much more serious problems than herpes.

That is enough for now - I am sure there will be plenty more to say tomorrow.

Today I found out I have herpes!

It was the call I had been expecting. Until that point there was still a chance it was all a big mix up and this was actually happening to someone else. Then as the cheerful sounding lady on the phone declared 'You have type 2 Herpes' I saw all hope of delusion fall to pieces. I reeled as I hung up the phone but there was nothing I could do but keep smiling - I was half way through a conversation with my colleague on the train home from a meeting in Basingstoke.

That was earlier today. Having spent the last few months anticipating that moment I have decided that I would like to share my experiences. I know from research in the last few months that this is a common virus and I also know I have found it hard to find real life information from people who deal with this everyday. I would like to share the story of a 'normal' guy who enjoys his life most of the time and who also happens to have herpes.

I am 26, I am single, I have a degree and a good job. I like salsa dancing, cycling, drinking too much with my friends on the weekend, long holidays to weird places with a small backpacks, eating and cooking good food. I have had sex with 7 people and until recently I didn't think I counted as a sexually 'risky' person. Generally I prefer lasting relationships to one night stands although I have had a mix of both.

I was diagnosed symptomatically with herpes by my GP late last October. I had been showing symptoms since May. I went to the GUM clinic for a test in December but it was a swab from symptoms a couple of weeks ago that today confirmed the inevitable. There are a few other twists to this tale (which will be revealed in due course) and I still have many unanswered questions. I do however have an appointment with the SHAC (sexual health advisory clinic) on Wednesday and more importantly a date with a girl on Sunday. Both of these things raise interesting and slightly scary questions about how this diagnosis will change my life.

More soon.